Garden State and some thoughts

First of all, if you have not seen the movie Garden State, watch it. If you have seen it, watch it again with an open mind and really pay attention to the dialogue and the lessons within them.

Here's to living the questions as they are...here's to opening our minds to discover that who we are, is not so bad. Pay attention to yourself and be who you are. When stumbling on a difficult decision, think about how it will make you feel, and not how it will make you look.

Finding jobs out here as not been as easy as I first anticipated but things are moving along. I finally got a full time nannying job here which is an awesome gig actually. I have 3 day weekends and it's more than enough to live on here in San Francisco. Honestly though, in my interview, I told the mom that this was not what I expected to do out here but somehow, I gravitated to it because it's what I do best and it's what I enjoy. The teaching job will fall into place for me in the fall too. I have faith. And if not, then I am fortunate to have this nanny position to tie me over for as long as I need to. If you think about it, how lucky am I?

At the end of Garden State, Zach's character says that if he doesn't leave, he will not find the answers but in the end, he finds the answers will be found right where he is, back at home. For me, right before I left, I found myself having that same conversation with both myself and people I was close to...if I never leave, I'll never know. And unlike Mr. Braff, i didnt look back. I feel so lucky to have what I have at home, the questions, the experience and the support to find answers to those questions and most importantly a beautiful and strong foundation to explore myself.

And so, I am here, in San Francisco...LIVING MY LIFE. I am so grateful for my friends out here who I've made instantly. It's as though this city was waiting for me and I was ready for her. Mary has been such a blessing and has opened so many doors to meeting people but I believe it is truly my own openess that has allowed me to connect to people on such a personal, real level.

I was telling a friend the other night here how I've made some wonderful circles of friends in less than a month here and yet I will never feel far from my support and love at home. My friends and family in Buffalo I have not forgotten about you. It's because of you that I am confident in my life here. It's because of our experiences and our eternal bond that I am able to appreciate what I've made here. I miss you and love you all so much.

I am so happy. I am so happy. Brian actually told me the other night "I've never seen you glow continuiously like this"....I'm glowing, and I know it. I hope you all find that spark in you and allow yourselves to live the questions as they are, love yourself as you are, and find yourself glowing in all you have to live for.

I've made it

Yesterday, I ventured through the mountains of northern California, picked up my friend Mary, then meandered about bridges and tunnels until I reached it: San Francisco...after a 5 day "bumpy" road trip with my mother, California finally welcomed me. Now that I'm here, I'm questioning how I am going to pull this off. But instead of worrying, I hopped in my car today and drove all around the city. I started from Mary's apartment in Sunset, to my apartment and neighborhood in Richmond, Haight/Ashbury, Golden Gate Park, downtown, the Embarcadero, North beach, Lombard Street (no, did not drive down it though), then ended up at the beach. I am sure I hit every pot hole in the city and ran a few red lights without knowing they were there. Who's genius idea was it to put lights on the side of the street?

My original plan was to bus hop. You know, blindly go from one bus to the next to see where I end up... Then I realized that might be stupid. At least I am confident though in my sense of direction here in the Bay Area. I will tackle the bus routes once I move into my own apartment. Speaking of which...I will probably get in there by Sunday. I told Mary last night before we went to bed that I've been bed hopping for the past week. I feel like a whore. I want a place to call my own. Let me be pure again.

As for what I miss...Have you ever heard the song "Jericho" by Sugarland? It goes something like this..."Goodbye to memories that I"ve saved. Goodbye to all the friends I've made. Goodbye to all the home I've ever known....small town Jericho (Buffalo). " Yeah, it gets me when I hear it. My friends, you're all on my mind and pitter pattering on my heart. I miss you. My lovely sister, hang in there, I love you. My father, you are bombarded with my left overs, I'm sorry. Mom, you're about an hour away from me right now and will be coming into the city tomorrow. As I do yoga tonight with Mary and her new man, I will wish you by my side.

I have to end this for now. But I'm leaving myself a note. In the near future, I want to talk about the difference between coincidence and fate. Do we read signs? Peace and Love. Namaste.